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[29 Oct 2009|10:06pm] |
Alrighty then.
Aila is just about 2 weeks old now. It is strange having a child now, but not as strange as I was expecting. I think my bond with her will grow as she grows. I really just want her to grow up, I've never been much of an "infant" person. I find myself thinking about everything the next several years of my life will involve. I really can't wait to take her places, hold her hand, teach her things, take her to school, etc, etc. Literally everyone says "enjoy this time now, you'll miss it later!". I don't think I agree, I can't imagine what I will feel like the first time I'm called "dad" or "daddy". I will probably cry. Plus, I really get grumpy when I am lacking sleep, so I can't wait until she can sleep for more than 2 hours at a time.
Anyway, I guess I'm feeling a bit happier. But I'm feeling a little betrayed by some people I thought to be my closest friends. If you plan on spreading gossip and including the statement "Don't tell Ryan I told you this", then perhaps don't spread that gossip. Whether it's true or not, if it's something that isn't positive it doesn't need to be said right now.
What I can say about this whole experience so far is that it's something you can't possibly understand or prepare for until it actually happens. It's the most bizarre feeling in the world to look at something you were partially responsible for creating.
I don't feel I ask much from my friends, but if any of you ever get the chance to speak with Ashlee, or from now on, I only ask you just give her your support and respect. What she is doing right now is far beyond anything I could ever handle, and she does it with next to 0 complaining.
That is all for now.
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[11 Oct 2009|12:44pm] |
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I've ruined my life. If I could go back in time 4 years I imagine I wouldn't be this depressed. I'm praying if there is a God he takes me soon, because I've had just about enough.
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[26 Sep 2009|03:23pm] |
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I've been a little anti-social lately. The past few weeks I've been pretty down in the dumps and it feels like a little black cloud is hanging over my head. Sorry to everyone for being lame.
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[04 Jun 2009|02:02pm] |
So as of today it seems I will be having a daughter. Not 100% positive, but I would prefer to have a little girl over a boy. I'm not really sure why.
I'm about to be 23 years old. It's pretty hard to believe. I really don't feel 23, it's quite bewildering.
I've been in a really good mood lately. Nothing is really bothering me, and I'm going to keep it that way.
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[03 May 2009|03:09am] |
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Who wants to go on a road trip to somewhere? And I mean aimless driving to places not planned.
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[28 Apr 2009|10:23pm] |
OK.
I'm in a complete cluster-fuck. Why is it trying to make new friends is something I cannot comprehend? I do nice things for people, go out of my way to do them favors, answer drunken text messages at 3 am, and so on an so forth. Yet, these people awkwardly pretend as if they have never even acquainted themselves with me, at times.
My dad seems to get along better with any and everyone but me, his son. My family treats me like an outcast during the far and few in-between junctions we have. My mother never even attempts to contact me, yet she lives less than 10 miles away.
It seems I am doomed to be met with dismal failure in the social facets of life. People actually get mad at me, on occasion, for doing nice things for them. Did I miss something? Do I come off as a belligerent ass hole? Perhaps I am condescending without realizing it? Maybe I just seem phony, obtuse or biased? I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I notice this as a recurring pattern in recent events of my life.
Anyway, I post this to you, my closest friends, whom I have known the longest and whose opinions I value the most. Maybe one or more of you can give me a blunt or detailed explanation as to why you think I, Ryan Gostek seem to be the despot of social ineptitude. And please, do not give me that "oh you're not a failure" balderdash. I obviously need to change something about myself.
I'm not going to get mad or hold grudges. I openly accept constructive criticism. And lastly, I will not get mad if you give me something I am requesting. I fucking hate hypocrites.
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[05 Apr 2009|08:45pm] |
Visited my mother today. Told her I'm having a kid. Promised her that this grandchild, unlike every other grandchild she has, will at no point in his or her life spend any time in foster care.
She has a weight scale at her house and I decided to weigh myself for the first time since the last time I was over her house, roughly 4 months ago. I still weight 170 pounds. I am pissed since I have been going to the gym for 2 months now, and the last 3 weeks I have gone 6 times a week. I expected some sort of improvement, but what can I expect taking into account all the beer I've been drinking lately.
I want to start or join a band. I have rekindled my love of playing drums.
Watching super drunk people eat nachos is amusing to say the least.
I've never been single for this long of a time in my life since 11th grade. It's starting to feel a little awkward.
I've decided that I will be writing about funny things that happen in my life. I think one day I'll put the stories in a book for everyone to read.
That is all methinks.
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[27 Mar 2009|01:02am] |
I hate reading. In my life I've read a few goosebump and animporph books, half of a harry potter and dabbled in some history books.
But yesterday I decided to buy a book called "I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell" by Tucker Max. It's quite possibly the greatest book of all time.
He is basically a superior version of Maddox. And he is my new hero.
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[22 Mar 2009|11:30am] |
Anyone like Jane's Addiction?
They are going to be at pine knob may 31st, anyone maybe want to go?
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[18 Mar 2009|12:50am] |
I'm embracing the fact that some of the most important aspects of your life will never unfold the way you want them to.
It's nothing I'm really depressed about, It's just something I can say I finally understand.
I'm really good at getting over things. I don't lose much sleep over anything anymore.
I just find it weird you can want something you can never have. Why must our minds lure us into these things?
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[09 Mar 2009|05:48pm] |
What a weekend. Probably the most memorable weekend of my life.
Playing pool and drinking beer friday night was some good times. I think Joe, Rick and MP can agree. And remembering how we dislocated Matt's shoulder will always be a good way to stir some laughs.
And the wedding on saturday. Seeing so many people I haven't seen in a long, long time was great. Andrew Belka, drinking with Kolar, talking with Mike Stacks (I used to think he was a douche in high school, but turns out he's a pretty good guy), catching the ?garter?, giving a speech with Holly (that was one of the most nervous moments of my life), seeing K8e Senko, having a good conversation about massage therapy with Holly's dad, and of course seeing Rick and Jessica get married. You guys pwn pretty hard.
Also, a special thanks to Kelsea (aka big sexy) for taking care of my extremely drunk/vomiting self after the reception. You are indeed a true friend and I owe you.
Also, Doug for giving us a place to crash and a toilet to fall asleep on.
Anyway, I could go on and on and on, but I'll end by saying I love my friends dearly.
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[17 Feb 2009|04:33pm] |
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I..am going to be a father in about 7.5 months.
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[14 Feb 2009|12:40am] |
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I...
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[11 Feb 2009|01:52am] |
I sold my entire collection of magic the gathering cards today.
It feels like I sold a small part of my soul.
Yes. My soul.
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[09 Feb 2009|04:02pm] |
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Blink-182 reunited.
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[29 Jan 2009|03:59pm] |
Old school Blink 182 is the shit. Seriously.
Every time I go to the gym I get a little less crumby at running.
Resident Evil 5 comes out in ~2 months.
Good things.
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[20 Jan 2009|07:00pm] |
So just got done with my first day at the gym to prep. for the leave I'm taking this summer.
Damn, I am in shitty shape.
But I did better than I thought I would.
I need to be able to swim 500 yards, do 42 push ups, 50 sit ups, 6 pull ups, and then run 1.5 miles.
Lets hope I can get there!
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[06 Dec 2008|11:54pm] |
I've never really cared much for theory of a deadman.
But yesterday I was skimming through the radio and stumbled across one of their songs called "I hate my life".
It's quite possibly one of the greatest songs ever written.
It's the perfect song for any people feeling pessimistic.
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[22 Oct 2008|07:12pm] |
Cheez-it crackers now come in 2 flavors in 1 box. I'm very pleased with this.
Today's Top Story:
Guns 'n Roses debuted their title song off Chinese Democracy today.
The album has been 14 years in the making.
The band has gone through tons of lineup changes over the years. Only Axl Rose remains as the one original member. It's pretty much his fault the band broke up originally because he's an ass hole.
But amidst all of that, I was still a little excited.
One would think that after 14 years, the quality of the music on this album would be pretty damn good.
But, alas, the song TOTALLY FUCKING BLOWS.
Axl doesn't even sound like himself anymore. Steroids FTW.
<---- Very disappointed.
And also, I would like to make babies with Katy Perry.
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[21 Oct 2008|05:28pm] |
I'm so tired right now.
Fuck studying.
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